Crystals across the country heaved a collective sigh Friday, as Marianne Williamson announced the conclusion of her campaign. While Marianne’s woo-woo brand of leadership may not be destined for the White House, it is certainly welcome in San Francisco’s flagship Goop store.
Goop, the Gwyneth Paltrow-founded, artisanal-vibrator-bedecked wellness empire, seamlessly synchronizes with Marianne’s manifestations. This November, Marianne spoke at Goop Health (and I use the term “Health” very loosely) Summit. Elise Loehnen, Goop CCO/A Definite White Lady, has even anointed Marianne “O.G. Goop,”
In honor of Marianne’s valiant battle against Dark Psychic Forces, here’s a recap from our recent visit to Goop:
This is a kit with an incense holder and 50 sticks of incense. It is $275.
Under her eye.
I was a little confused to find a Banana Republic sweater in Goop – how pedestrian! – but fellow Suffragette Eve pointed out that Goop primarily curates objects, rather than making their own. Goop’s business model is akin to assembling all your favorite stuff on a Pinterest board, and then making $250 million from it.
On the topic of cream-covered cable sweaters, let’s pause for a moment to appreciate the perfection that IS Chris Evans in Knives Out:
Back to Goop!
If there’s one thing my current water bottle is missing, it’s a crystal that will eventually dislodge itself to stab my trachea. $84.
Sadly, this is 0.4 oz too big to bring on a plane, but psychic vampires usually don’t fly commercial anyway.
What will rich white lady pseudoscience manifest in 2020? Will Marianne make a guest appearance on Gwynnie’s new Netflix show, The Goop Lab? Stay tuned for more medically unsound advice!
For a company that has been the subject of vaginal egg-related lawsuits…this poster seems like a bold choice.